In our own backyard

Name any two Nobel peace prize winners you know of...Malala Yousafzai, Nelson Mandela, Kofi Annan, Mother Teresa, Wangari Maathai...all correct, but not quite what am looking for. Anyone heard of Nadia Murad and Dennis Mukwege? Well, they jointly won the Nobel peace prize in 2018 for their efforts in ending the use of sexual violence as a weapon of war and armed conflict. So, what's their story? Just to be clear, they did jointly win the award, but they come from different parts of the world and made different contributions toward ending sexual violence.

Nadia Murad is an Iraqi Yazidi human rights activist who in 2014, at the age of 19 was kidnapped by ISIS and sold into sex slavery. She narrates a heartbreaking account of that very inhumane ordeal, being beaten and raped repeatedly for three months before she was able to escape. Shortly after, she began to speak up and stand up for Yazidi women and children who were suffering a similar fate.

Dennis Mukwege on the other hand tells a different account of the same heartbreaking story. Dennis is a Congolese gynecologist noted for his work in treating victims of sexual violence as a result of the war that has ravaged D.R.C for the past two decades, in bear sight of the international community, but let's not even go there lest we get way out of today's agenda. After winning the Nobel peace prize in October 2018, he called on D.R.C's "illegal and illegitimate" government to quit, accusing it of perpetuating the violence and failing to protect women. He has since received death threats. He however refuses to be silenced. Way to go Dr Mukwege.

Different narratives, maybe...but all part of the same heartbreaking story...sexual violence. One thing that both Nadia Murad and Dennis Mukwege have emphasized that really stuck out to me is, it is not just the perpetrators of sexual violence who are responsible for their crimes, it is also those who choose to look away. There are two sides to this war, we are either helping perpetrate sexual violence or fighting against it. There is no middle ground. And most importantly, acting indifferent and pretending that it is not happening is not an option. The thing with an act, it doesn't last forever, and when it finally ends, the issues we tried to avoid will still be there and will have caused even more damage.

Let me hit you with some hard facts, 736 million women, that is 1 in 3 women have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime. Let me narrow it down to our focus group for today...Globally, 24% of adolescent girls(15-19) who have been in a relationship have been physically and/or sexually violated by an intimate partner. Before we get into a battle of the sexes, I am well aware that both men and women fall victim to sexual violence. It is important to talk about both. I am however not in a position to speak much about sexual violence against men. I admit that I am not sufficiently informed on the same, and I wouldn't want to be insensitive to any man who might be reading this and has experienced sexual assault or any other form of violence at some point in his life. The reality is, even though women too experience societal stigma attached to victims of sexual assault and other forms of violence, it is worse for men. The result is, the majority of men who fall victim to sexual violence remain silent for fear of being doubted, blamed for their own victimization, and in some cases, being mocked. History has however taught us that unless societal problems are brought to light, they will continue to eat away at all of us. As I mentioned earlier, we all have a role to play, yours could be, speaking out about your experience, creating awareness, seeking justice, or even just being there to listen to someone, whatever it is, find the boldness to do it. The battalion against sexual violence needs you.

That said, allow me to narrow it down to sexual violence against adolescent girls. Why adolescent girls? Well...they are most vulnerable to sexual violence, with 1 in 5 girls aged 15 to 19 having experienced sexual assault at least once. Okay figures aside, you know what that implies...that someone you know and care about has been sexually assaulted, whether you are aware of it or not. It could be your friend, sister, girlfriend or even your daughter.

The point I am trying to make is that we are not tackling a problem that affects other people, it is in your own backyard. Forget the news, there are unspoken stories in our own homes. I know this because five years ago, as a form two student, I was sexually assaulted by a family friend and I did not speak a word until two months ago. Did my parents know? No. Did my siblings know? No. Did my friends know? No. Did my teachers in school know? No. The fact that the people around me did not know, doesn't mean the issue was non-existent. How many other teenagers do you think have, like me, chosen to remain silent?

So, why have I not said anything all this time? At that time, I did not know that I had been sexually assaulted. Had I heard of the sexual assault before? Yes. Did I know what it means? I thought I did. Like most people, I thought that sexual assault is simply another word for rape. Now now now...people...sexual assault and rape are not synonyms. Rape is a form of sexual assault. So, what is sexual assault? Sexual assault can be defined in very simple terms as unwanted sexual contact. It includes, intentionally touching another person sexually without their consent, coercing or physically forcing someone to witness or engage in sexual acts against their will. We will dive further into more accurate definitions later on but for now, let us focus on the fact that it is possible to be sexually assaulted and not know that whatever happened to you is actually prohibited by law. On the flip side, it is possible to be sexually assaulting someone and yet you are not aware it is sexual assault and the legal implications it holds. However, perpetrators of sexual assault cannot get off with the excuse of not knowing legal definitions, because although we might not all be legally enlightened, we all know what is morally wrong. No one needs literature to know that he should not touch a girl's breasts without consent. And on that note, minors(persons under the age of 18) cannot give consent, so any sexual contact with a minor regardless of whether or not it was consensual is a criminal act.

However, that wasn't the only reason I did not speak up earlier, another was shame and guilt. I know better now, what happened to me was not my fault. Someone took advantage of me while I was in a very vulnerable position. And I might get into details of that incident in another blog, but for now, let me speak to anyone who is reading this and has felt shame and guilt after being sexually assaulted...it was not your fault, you did not ask for it, it happened to you and you are not to blame. A lot of people might be pointing fingers at you, but you cannot be one of them. On the other hand, if someone opens up to you about something that happened to them, especially involving sexual violence, don't be quick to judge, that is the last thing she/he needs at that moment. The world would be a much better place if we were all sensitive to each other's plight.

In a nutshell, we all need to take part in the fight against sexual violence, but we cannot do so until we realize that the enemy is not only existent, but also closer than we think.