Feminist or not...

My first ever TED talk was by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and was titled "We should all be feminists"

Currently, Chimamanda has to be one of my greatest icons, she is one of Africa's most prominent writers, she has every powerful voice as far as gender issues go, and I could go on and on about Chimamanda, she's iconic.

Thirteen-year-old me, however, had never heard of Chimamanda, we were being made to watch the talk as an enrichment activity. I was in form one at the time, and not in the slightest bit interested to know what on earth feminism is. I knew enrichment would be over soon...and then it would be my favourite part of the weekend...entertainment. If you have never been to boarding school, a Kenyan boarding school to be precise, you might not understand but let me try to shed some light so you understand how important entertainment time is. You are in school with classes every weekday from 7:00 am to 5:00 pm and night preps from 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm...oh...did I mention that you wake up at 5:00 am and there are morning preps too...Then on Saturday, there are classes till noon, lunch, an enrichment activity(which we will get back to soon enough) than entertainment...the only time when one gets to watch movies and listen to music.

So you understand how eager I was to be done with that TED talk. Chimamanda however, is a very good public speaker, she sure knows how to keep an audience entertained while handling a very weighty topic.

She starts by telling a story from her childhood, events and experiences that explain why she is so passionate in her advocacy for women's rights. As humorous as her speech is...I feel the gravity of the situation, and how few events can trigger one into realizing a huge societal problem deeply rooted within our cultural beliefs. After a short thirty minutes...the talk is over, and I'm left with too many questions. I can hardly follow the discussion that follows...I want to know more. However, I go for entertainment and forget all about that, not surprising at all.

That was six years ago, and it is all coming back to me now. I see social injustices against women happen, and I cannot sit down and do nothing. It is the right thing to do, right? Speak out, be heard, make a difference? Isn't that what all of us should be doing, pursuing fairness and equality? I am a woman...I know what it is like to be a woman living in a highly patriarchal society...I know what it is like to be looked down upon simply because I am a woman...I see documentaries of girls and women who are experiencing discrimination on the basis of gender and my heart breaks for them. I hear of instances of early marriage, rape, sexploitation even in workplaces...and I hurt...I hurt for all the women who experience violence simply because they are women. I mean...isn't that natural...to feel that? Is it not a natural response to want to fight back? I want to fight back, so no woman ever has to be looked down upon, discriminated against over something she has no control over, her sex.

So why is it that every time I try to speak up... I'm made to feel like I've done something wrong. Why do I feel like I am being attacked? Are we not all on the same side here? Don't we all want the same thing? Fairness...equality...?

These past few weeks I have had an unending battle within myself...a battle between what I believe to be true and what the people around me think about the same. It will all make sense shortly...so here's what happened. I changed my bio on Instagram to read "feminist". The Oxford English dictionary defines feminism as the belief and aim that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men; the struggle to achieve this aim. A feminist is, therefore, according to the same dictionary, a person who supports the belief that women should have the same rights and opportunities as men. I believe that men and women should have same rights and opportunities...so yeah...I am a feminist. I was right to put that on my Instagram bio...because that is true about me. I know I'm beginning to sound defensive...bear with me...I do not know how to keep my emotions away from my writing...it is out of those emotions that I write.

So a few minutes later I see something on a friend's social media. I'm not sure friend accurately describes our relationship, but he is someone I respect so much and actually look up to in some ways. He had posted about how violations against women are given more attention than violations against men. And I would have agreed with him, encouraged him...that is if he hadn't concluded by saying, "feminism is for the weak and wicked" Of course I called him out on it...because I was offended...I felt insulted. I am not going to go into details of the conversation...but the reality of how distorted society's image of feminism is hit me. So I started asking people, reading articles, just to understand what feminism means to different people. Both those who care for it and those who oppose it. I realized that, sometimes, or rather, almost always...dictionary meaning is just that...

dictionary meaning...a bunch of words stringed together to bring out a reasonable statement. Now, I am not dismissing the dictionary meaning of feminism...but if we are being honest...some things we define for ourselves based on our beliefs and emotions. We decide what meaning we attach to it and that determines the attitude we show it. It is impossible to fully understand someone's perspective on something without a back story. We all have had different experiences, different upbringing, we believe different things...and so it's only natural that we hold different views on issues such as feminism.

However, It is not right, never has been to express ourselves in a way that is disrespectful to those around us.

For instance, the other day, am at a friend's and we start talking about feminism...and of course, I confidently tell everyone in the room that I am a feminist...and because I am not ignorant of the controversies surrounding the issue...I explain exactly what I know feminism to be. Then this guy looks at me and says, "Feminists get married to weak men because if they marry a strong man...then there are two men in the house and things simply don't work." Okay...time out...say what now? Let us break that down. In one simple sentence, the following conclusions were made. One is that a man who accepts feminism is weak. Two, that a man who opposes feminism is strong and last but not least, that a woman who identifies as a feminist is trying to be a man. That, in my opinion, is the very definition of utter ridiculousness. You know...in naming this blog Wambui's diary...I knew how opinionated I can be, but I am careful not to make it look like I have it all figured out...because I don't. This is not feminism 101(#allyouneedtoknow), it is simply my point of view...at the moment, feel free to leave your comments down below...iron sharpens iron. Let me know what you think about this highly controversial issue...how do YOU define feminism...are you for it, against it would you rather stay out of the debate? What's the back story behind where you stand? It's high time we got used to the idea that it is possible to disagree with people without necessarily being bitter or disrespectful about it.

As for me, well I guess you can call me a full time feminist.