Because words have power...

Did you know that the average human being speaks about 20,000 words in a single day? Incredible, right? Of course, the number is higher for those of us whose “talking habits” are above average. “Be mindful of what you say” If I got a dollar for every time I heard those words, Bill Gates and I would probably be golfing buddies. I was listening to a sermon this morning about, “How words work” and the speaker put it in a very intriguing way, he said, “If your 20,000 words were put in a book, then read out loud for the whole world to hear, what would your reaction be, “Oh boy! Did I just say that?” or “No…I did not mean it that way…that came out all wrong!” or “I was just trying to be practical” How many times do we find ourselves trying to justify our words and our actions? That means that we know we are in the wrong, to begin with. And let’s be real, doing the right thing is not always easy…oftentimes it needs us to go way beyond our comfort zone, and no one wants to do that…I know I do not want to.

Words have power and with power comes great responsibility, and this realization has for a long time made me question whether or not I should be blogging, and if so, what about? I know what you are thinking, “relax Faith, who even reads your blog?” well…you are here and that’s saying something. Of course, I want to be a successful blogger with thousands of followers, but knowing that anyone who reads my blogs can quote me and say, “Faith wrote in her blog that…” is enough to make me extremely self-conscious. And so for the past three or four months, I have been back and forth…creating blogs, writing my first post, realizing I don’t like the sound of it…then deleting the post…and the blog. Browsing for good blog names, trying to find content that actually sells…trying out different fields…entertainment, politics, travel, food (yes! I love food. I love cooking it and I love eating it even more) but I couldn’t get myself to blog about it… I even tried co-writing a blog with a close friend…It was going to be about seeing things from both a male and female perspective. Truth is, while all these may seem like great ideas…and there are many people who have achieved real success as bloggers in these areas, none of them worked for me, I couldn’t force myself to fit into a space that is not cut out for me.

I think that it is really important to know where you stand, what works for you and generally who you are as a person. Your words and actions should be a reflection of your personality. I say should because, at times our words paint a different picture of who we actually are based on what we think is acceptable. I tried to create a blog based on what people wanted to read…and that left me frustrated because every time I wrote something, I thought, “No one will want to read this…I have no idea what I am saying” And to be completely honest, as I write this, I do not even know whether or not I will want to publish it when I’m done…but let me tell you what I know. I know what I’m feeling as I write this, I know that I do not have to check my browser every five minutes to find information…I know that I am not struggling to find the right words…I know that what I am writing reflects what I am feeling…And I know all these things make me really happy.

I did not discover that I love to write about my experiences an hour ago when I started writing this…but for a long time, I have felt like that is not enough. It is not enough to get me a thousand readers… it is not enough to keep a reader interested…It is not enough to earn me money as a blogger…and while that might be true, I could be having a million readers and making lots of money off this blog, and still not be content. For me, finishing a blog post and knowing that I poured out my heart into it gives me a fulfilment that I can’t find in the statistics of my blog. And I hope that that would be enough for me as I start this new blog. And I can’t dismiss the fact that having lots of readers is something I really want, but I do not want that to be my measure of success…because it is not guaranteed…and if I make that my measure of success, I will be frustrated if it doesn’t happen…and if it does…I might lose myself. Then it will no longer be, “Wambui's diary” but a desperate attempt to attract an audience.

So, as I start this blog, I hope that my words are a reflection of who I am. And of course, I am not the sheer face of perfection, so I’ll probably have those moments when I’m like,” Oops! I probably should not have said that.” But weaknesses are opportunities for growth…so I hope we can all learn and grow in that and through that. In case you are like, “Exactly what is this blog about?” Honestly…I don’t know... I guess we’ll see.