A Day Is Not Enough!

A day is not enough!

A day is not enough to celebrate the beauty and complexity of womanhood.

A day is not enough to even begin to explain what it means to be a woman.

A day is not enough…but we'll take it!

How do I even begin to explain the intricacies of womanhood? 

Those first moments in early childhood when you realise that you're different…that not every one of your friends wears a dress or a bow in their hair. When your brother gets toy cars and balls and you get dolls and a kitchen play set.

When all of a sudden the phrase, “You're a girl” becomes an obvious reason why you should be put together… be clean, sit properly, watch your tone, and be graceful. Some of us haven't quite nailed the "graceful" bit... at what age does that kick in? Coz I spilt tea on my blouse just a few minutes ago and it has been over twenty years of doing this "womanhood" thing.

Yes, you can go out to play… however, be careful what games you play. Football is rough… marbles are rogue… don't get dirty…don't run around too much… a tea party perhaps? Or for my Kenyan people, Kalongo. Speaking of which, I still don't understand why I was never allowed to play the mother.

Keep an eye on your siblings… and remember to set aside time for the dishes.

Your body is changing…so don't talk to boys… be careful what you wear… don't disgrace the family!

Menstruation is perfectly normal! Might come with some pain, who am I kidding, a lot of pain…crippling pain…but don't let it stop you! Show up, for school, work, perform your chores… don't you dare draw attention to yourself.

It's okay if you don't understand physics… some jobs are not for women anyway. Also, you don't want to seem too smart… it's not attractive. But hey… if you do get male attention …it's slutty…but don't repel it either…find a balance… you're sixteen…you should know these things.

Don't ask him out, but send him some signals, he's not an angel to know what you're thinking. But then, don't say yes too quickly, play hard to get… but don't be too hard to get, he might give up! Your confidence is attractive…but it can also be intimidating! 

Oh…nowadays, women need to be independent… but don't be too independent, you need to allow him to lead, but don't be a burden, men appreciate women who can hold their own, but not so much that they feel like you don't need them.

You're an empowered woman… find a job, start a business…make a lot of money but don't neglect your family though, your husband shouldn't be babysitting. But don't make your life all about your family, you're more than a mum and a wife. 

Ask for help, but don't be annoying about it, some things you can do on your own. Do not be timid but don't stand up for yourself either, it's a little aggressive…we don't like that.

Be bold, break boundaries, challenge stereotypes…in a perfectly agreeable way of course!

I don't believe that any of this advice is given in bad faith, these “rules” are just a poor attempt to define womanhood and what it should look like. 

Womanhood is so complex, IT IS A PARADOX! It can't fit into the boxes we try to shove it into.

Women are so vastly different! How we look is different, how we think is different…our emotions, interests, and dreams are different!

No two women are the same! The strenghth of one is not the strength of another, and the beauty of one cannot to be compared to the beauty of another.

There can never be a “one size fits all” approach to womanhood.

Some women are quiet, and reserved…others are loud and opinionated. 

Some dream of building empires, and leading enterprises, and some want to be on a little farm far far away growing their own food and watching their children jumping in mud puddles. 

Some won't leave their homes with chapped nails, others don't even own a mirror.

We have the sports girlies, who are very chill, and no sweat until their team is winning and they suddenly transform into a character from Wakanda. Then there are those who are on the verge of paying Netflix to release Love is Blind Season Six Reunion RIGHT THIS MINUTE! If I lost you, I'm sorry, I just get very emotional about these things.

But all the same…

Women are beautiful…nurturing in their own unique ways. 

I mean…our bodies are capable of carrying new life… that's pretty cool if you ask me. 

Our hormones change every week of every month yet somehow we remain to be decently pleasant people. (Well…most of us)

The point is, while this kaleidoscope we call womanhood is a sight to behold, we can do a better job of celebrating the unique value of each individual woman. Let's ditch the advice and appreciate what is.

Sometimes, a “Happy International Women's Day” text is not enough. Call her by her name and appreciate her strengths, her quirks and the things you know that only she possesses…today and every day!